July 31, 2021

Don't Cali-Fornicate Texas

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Texas Wants a Divorce

Dear Communists, liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists, and Biden supporters, et al:

Since the Presidency of LBJ, we have stuck together for the sake of the children. However this whole election fraud thing, “Wokeness”, a transgenger Miss Nevada, military personnel moral, rioting and high crime, proposed $6Trillion Infrastructure deal, and high inflation has made me realize that we can no longer live peacefully together, and so I want a Divorce. I know we have tolerated each other for decades for the sake of future generations, but sadly, our relationship has obviously run its course.

Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let’s just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is my proposed separation agreement:

–For landmass divisions, you can have the Entire of New England, New York, New Jersey, Michigan, Illinois, California from the LA City Limit North (the Southern tip will become part of Nevada), Oregon, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Washington and Hawaii. We’ll take the South, Alaska and the Fly-Over States.

—We don’t like redistributive taxes, so you can keep them

— We’re not fans of the Deep State, so you can have the DOJ, the FBI, the IRS, the NSA, and the DHs – we’ll start fresh with our own

–You’ve always wanted to make Puerto Rico and DC States – they’re yours

— We would like to keep the Trump Family

–You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU, and we’ll give all three woman on the Supreme Court and Alito

–Since you hate guns and war, we’ll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA, and the military.

–We’ll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and the coal mines, and you can go with wind, solar, and bio-diesel.

–You can keep Oprah, Whoopi, Bill Maher, Michael Moore and Rosie O’Donnell. You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all five of them.

–We’ll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart, and Wall Street.

–You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless, homeboys, druggies, and illegal aliens.

–We’ll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEOs, and rednecks.

–We’ll keep Tucker Carlson and Bibles and give you Hollywood.

— You can have MSNBC, CNBC, CNN, NBC, ABC and CBS

–We’ll keep Fox News (but you can have Chris Wallace), Fox Business, Newsmax and OAN.

–As a bonus, we’ll give you Mitt Romney, Susan Collins and Murkowski – plus five RINOs to be named Later.

–You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we’ll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us.

–You can have the Antifa and Black Lives Matter.

–We’ll keep Trump and the Border Wall

–When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we’ll help provide them security.

–We’ll keep our Judeo-Christian values, and you can have the America Hating Muslims

–You are welcome to Critical Race Theory, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness, and the cackling Kamala. You can also have the UN., but we will no longer be paying the bill.

–We’ll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks, and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Volt, Prius and Leaf you can find.

–You can give everyone health care if you can find any practicing doctors.

–We’ll keep Confederate Battle Flag, “The Battle Hymn of the Republic” and “The National Anthem.”

–I’m sure you’ll be happy to substitute “Imagine,” “I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing,” “Kum Baya,” or “We Are the World.”

–We’ll practice trickle-down economics and you can continue to give trickle-up poverty your best shot.

–Since it often so offends you, we’ll keep our history, our name, and our flag.

Do you agree to this Settlement? If so, please pass it along to other like-minded Conservatives with using the below “share Buttons”. However, If you do not agree, just move on and do nothing like your apathetic ass always has.

Dave Schultz

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